No one knows how I suffer

I hope all my fellow Steve and Kayla fans realize how much I’m suffering on their behalf.

I am currently watching the Steve and Kayla clips where he breaks up with her for the sake of Jack/Billy (oops, hope I’m not giving anything away!). I am racing through them on the theory that it’s better to swallow a bitter pill quickly.

I had such traumatic memories of this storyline that when I watched all the OLAB clips (see link in the sidebar) a year ago, I skipped right from the scenes in the stopped elevator—you Steve and Kayla fans know the ones I mean!—to the Jack and Kayla wedding. I just couldn’t stomach watching it again. And all this past summer as I was watching the on the run clips I dreaded what was coming next.

I am an avowed fan of Steve and Kayla angst. But after I had labored through the noncommittal “I’m not avoiding you” hospital lounge scene, the “shore leave” speech and hookup, the morning after breakup, and the scene where Steve asks for the necklace back, I got to his perjury at the Ed Daniels trial (when he says about Kayla, “I knew she would believe any line I fed her”) and my heart nearly failed me. I didn’t remember clearly how long it took for Kayla to marry Jack, but I knew it wasn’t the work of a day. I wasn’t sure how long I could continue to watch this.

But things are looking up. I still hate nuJack with a burning passion, Jo is quickly losing all favor with me, it takes all of Stephen Nichols’ skill to make me feel any sympathy for Steve, and Kayla’s confusion and pain are still breaking my heart. But Jack’s level of delusion in the face of Kayla’s obvious misery is actually becoming amusing to me. And I have to admit it was satisfying to see Roman punch Steve in the face—which he richly deserved, since he was singing “The Thrill is Gone” about Kayla at the time. Also, the Ed Daniels undercover operation is, surprisingly, a hoot. Steve and Shane, who knew they could be so much fun? And Steve and Gabrielle have a surprising amount of bantery chemistry (not romantic, please relax).

And Stephen Nichols and Mary Beth Evans are knocking it out of the park. There is a little nothing scene between them soon after Kayla has told Steve about Jack’s proposal (which she is still considering). They run into each other accidentally in the park, and this is the dialogue they exchange:

Steve: Have you given Jack your answer yet?
Kayla: I was just going over to see him.
Steve: Kayla.
Kayla: What?
Steve: Tell Jack I said hi.

Nothing special, right? But Mary Beth Evans does a wonderful job conveying, as Kayla says “I was just going over to see him,” a wild, eager hope that Steve is about to tell her to refuse the proposal. She then reads on his face that he is not, and she turns away, deflated. So when Steve calls her back, she looks only annoyed that he’s detaining her. Then, when she’s not looking at him, we can see him struggling with himself not to try and stop her. And when he gets hold of himself, and says only “Tell Jack I said hi,” Mary Beth makes a very slight dismissive, disgusted sound and walks away. She seems just as disgusted with herself (for having that moment of hope) as she is with him.

So I’m enjoying the clips much more than I thought I would. I just have to remember this feeling when I get to the leadup to the wedding. ::clutches head, starts rocking back and forth::

10 thoughts on “No one knows how I suffer

  1. I just want to let you know that I appreciate what your’re doing right now. It’s tough, but somebody’s got to do it, right?

    Just thinking about the wedding of Kayla and Jack and hearing that song playing in the background, is enough to leave me in tears. Gosh, what a miserable feeling.

    Now why can’t Days give us more of that?

  2. Well, I can completely say I have faith you can finish this…it keeps me from watching the clips again. In fact, after downloading them from OLAB, I only began watching a few of teh scenes and had to stop and pick up at the lodge scene and totally cheating.

    The good news? There is at least motivations there…we know why Steve is doing this (and yes, hate on Jo) and even though it’s really a stupid stupid reason to break up, and shame on Kayla for giving in and marrying Jack…it’s ten times better than the god awful summer we had of Chick with Jett literally shoe-horned where he didn’t belong.

    (Yes, I can make anything about how much I hate Jett.)

  3. Oh MP, we feel your pain. I have complete trust in you to drudge forward in this endeavor. You know a legion of Steve and Kayla fans depend on you. Never forget that we are cowering behind the sofas, or with hands in front of our eyes, waiting for our fearless leader to watch those scenes we so dread.

    Keep up the good work MP, and just know that we support you!

  4. Gosh, what a miserable feeling.

    Now why can’t Days give us more of that?

    Well put, daggerrose!

    Not so much sympathy as envy here, because that storyline is like heroin for this angst addict. Although I will have “Still Watching Over You” in my head for the rest of the day just from reading this. Looking forward to your post!

  5. I don’t know, lska. I’m as big of an angst addict as anybody, but I can barely handle everything from “shore leave” to the Ed Daniels trial. There’s angst and then there’s just plain pain and torture and that portion of the storyline definitely straddles the line a little too much. I know why they had to do it that way, but wow, it sure hurt – and not in the nomally wonderful S&K “hurts so good” way.

    And this is coming from somebody who can eat the angsty post-Duke death angst and Marina related angst up with a spoon. Heck, I even reveled in the BSC!Steve angst until it got way too repetative.

  6. Well, you know I’m a late-comer to all of this, right? So I don’t have the memory of being tortured over months or however long it took to air originally, just maybe a few afternoons or evenings.

    Mostly I’m just in awe of the masterful writing when I watch those scenes, and how they were able to take everything that had come before and turn it so fully on its head. They didn’t destroy the special S&K magic or Steve’s character growth up to that point, but they walked right up to that line without flinching, and they squeezed every ounce of angst out the situation they set up, which was amazing.

    Or maybe I’m just a masochist. *g*

  7. Oh I agree that it’s masterful writing. And SN and MBE do an amazing job of conveying every single emotion and every bit of the pain in that storyline. In fact, MBE does almost too good of a job because it feels so real. And, a big part of the reason that it’s so painful is that I think it’s the only time we ever see Kayla lose faith not just in Steve but in herself and her own judgment. In every other angsty situation, she might be hurt and angry and even devastated, but there is still a core of strength and determination there. But as Steve piles the hurt on this time, you can almost see that strength dissolve.

    It’s outstanding writing and they did wring every last ounce of angst out it. More importantly, they stuck to their guns and played the storyline out completely. In the end, we got an amazing payoff, not to mention a lot of UST and eyesnogging in the post-wedding period. But, it’s a tough ride to get there.

  8. Thank you everyone, for the support. I am glad that I am being forced to watch this section, actually, because after the initial breakup it is giving me more of the good angst than I remembered. That first breakup, though …

    Another source of amusement is the wide range of objects they use to screen MBE’s pregnancy: purses (of course), clipboards, flowers … and one scene that made me burst out laughing, when Kayla picked up Jack’s pillow and carried it across the room for no apparent reason.

    Kathleen, I did actually cover my eyes during part of the Ed Daniels testimony! If I could have hidden behind the sofa I probably would have.

    But through all the pain and torture, I have to agree with daggerrose also: Why can’t Days give us more of that? In the right doses, of course.

  9. MP, thank you for suffering for us.
    I look forward to your blog.
    I admit I am a YouTube clip addict.
    S&K are great in those old scenes. I loved the scene that Kayla goes over to Steve’s pad to tell Steve that Jack has proposed. She tries to cover by saying she wanted a hamburger and fries (shenanigans)and Steve cuts her off. I waited for him to crack and say, “Do not marry him!” Oy!

  10. katester, thanks for commenting. Yep, that scene is another painful one in a long string.

    I remember how, in addition to hoping Steve would crack, I dearly wanted Kayla to NOT play right into his hands and marry Jack. I wanted her to run off with Mike Horton or something. That would show him. Heh.

    I’m done watching the clips now and I’m working on the writeup!

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